ABCs for Managers Who Lead – X is for eXpressing

    Photo Credit: Todd Shapera

As people, we express ourselves in a variety of ways – through written and oral communication, through touch and gestures, and through body positions and facial expressions. These expressions demonstrate thoughts, such as ideas for a new project, challenges to existing activities, and results. They are also the outward manifestation of feelings, such as anger, frustration, love/affection, sympathy, concern, and impatience.

Some forms of expression are appropriate in some cultures, but not in others. For example, writing in some countries or in some sectors of the same country require very different writing styles (formal or informal, scientific, etc.). Also, in some countries it is appropriate to give a non-sexual “social” hug to colleagues with no intention of starting a relationship and in others it is forbidden and offensive to do so, especially if a female hugs a male colleague or visa-versa.

So, what do managers have to express? We usually think immediately of instructions, plans, policies, criticism/negative feedback on activities, etc. The challenge for the manager is to determine the best way to express these thoughts.

Managers, like the rest of us, have feelings. Some of the feelings that are often overlooked are positive reactions and gratitude. Staff members need to feel appreciated for the work they do and to hear from you when you are especially pleased with their results and/or grateful for their participation in a project. This is an act of kindness as well as true acknowledgement.

“One can pay back the loan of gold, but one lies forever in debt to those who are kind.” – Malayan Proverb

Managers, like others, can also have strong feelings ranging from anger and even hatred toward a colleague with a desire to lash out with words, fists and/or revenge, or they can feel intense feelings of love and physical desire. In these circumstances “self-management” is important to ensure that our expressions are appropriate to the work environment.

eXpressing well

  1. Know yourself. Each of us has “triggers” that make us really angry. Usually these are words or actions of other people that violate our own most precious values. One way to explore your most closely held values is to ask yourself: “What makes me really angry?” It could be lack of respect for you or others, violations of civil or human rights, negative comments about your family or friends, etc. Similarly, what are your “triggers” for “positive” feelings? You might ask yourself about a time when you were at your best – what you were doing and who you were with. What values does this reflection point to?
  2. Be authentic. Whatever it is that you want to express, it should be authentic and in integrity with who you are and what you feel/want to demonstrate or convey. People can sense when you are pretending. Here’s an exercise. Look at or imagine two people you like and think of two sincere acknowledgements you could offer them. Now do the same with two people you dislike. Try using these acknowledgements with these people and see what the effect is.
  3. Manage yourself. Take the time to explore what it is about certain people who make you angry or irritated. Ask yourself : What do they do that I find so irritating? How have I handled this feeling in the past? How might they be mirroring my own behavior toward them? What needs to change – potentially on both sides – and how would I effect that change?
  4. Establish rapport with others in order to build trust and reciprocal respect.
  5. Apply the “golden rule.” Do to others as you would like them to do to you. Focus on the best traits, characteristics, and capacities of each person.

See for yourself

Can You Be Yourself at Work? by The Corporate Culture Detox

Best Methods to Build Rapport by Anthony Robbins

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